Spam T. God, noted geneticist, has revealed some unusual data
after working undercover in the Vatican for the past 18 years. "The
Popehat(tm) is actually a genetically engineered bone spur.", reveals Spamgod in his
groundshaking report. Spamgod, who had secretly studied the innermost
workings of the Vatican since returning from Vietnam in a wheel chair,
first approached the scientific community with his theory in the late
1960's.
"The whole hat thing, that was just a cover up. The Vatican didn't want the Catholic Community(tm) to realize their leader was hefting nearly 8 kilograms of extraneous bone tissue on the top of his skull.", notes Spamgod in his report. "There are whole laboratories in the Vatican that experiment with tissue transplants and bone marrow experiments. What started as a genetic fluke in the mid 1400's is now scientifically engineered and bred for. The whole bone transplant idea started in the mid fifties inspired by doctor Timothy Gucci transplanting deer bone cells into small white rats." Spamgod is quick to point out the assassination attempt on Pope John Paul II and the disappearance of Dr. Gucci from the public eye.
"When it becomes time to replace the pope", says Spamgod, "The old pope and the replacement pope are locked in a padded chamber. They butt heads much like male yaks fighting for dominance of the herd. The victor emerges and has earned the privilege of inseminating the choir boys."
Some recently declassified CIA memos confirm that the Vatican
conducted a number of underground nuclear weapon tests in the
catacombs beneath the papal back in the 50s. You seem to have
discovered visual evidence of some of the most horrifying results
of this Cold War atrocity.